Random Oneshots
by Wish I Was a Winchester
Summary: Just a bunch of random things that I thought of in my free time! Based off of posts I've seen about Harry Potter.
1. WHO Let The Dogs Out?

*Updated every Sunday*

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor anything else you may recognize from these chapters.

 **WHO Let The Dogs Out?**

The stands overlooking the quidditch pitch were filled with red, gold, green, and silver. The spectators cheered as the Slytherin team flew out onto the pitch. However, the noise was almost nothing compared to the sounds that the other half of arena made as 7 players adorned in red flew onto the pitch. The Gryffindor muggleborns in the stands smiled secretively to one another, clearly planning something. Suddenly, Madam Hooch's whistle cut through the dying sounds. Both sides watched in anticipation as the two teams flew into the clear sky.

"And they're off!" Lee Jordan, the commentator of the match, crowed. "And Johnson catches the quaffle, passes it off to Bell. Intersected by Slytherin captain Flint! He's headed down the pitch, about to score… And Wood saves it! Back in Gryffindor's possession.."

The commentating was suddenly drowned out by the sound of stomping, coming from the Gryffindor stands. It slowly crescendoed, until it was even louder that the booing of a foul coming from the other stands. The muggleborn voices rose out of the noise.

"WE WILL, WE WILL, ROCK YOU!" they chanted, yelling across the stadium to the other team's housemates. The purebloods looked around in confusion, while the Slytherin muggleborn and halfbloods quickly met at the bottom of the stands. The others looked down at them in confusion. It wasn't long before they had returned to their seats.

"WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?" the Slytherins retaliated. The opposing team widened their eyes in shock. They quickly shook off their surprise and began chanting their chant louder still. Slytherin eyes narrowed, lips pulling into a scowl. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs watched in amazement as the two houses competed for the louder voice. They soon joined in, quickly choosing sides. Soon, almost the entire stadium was chanting.

"AND POTTER'S CAUGHT THE SNITCH!" Lee Jordan called out over the racket. The crowds immediately quieted down, only for a noise twice as loud to reign over the pitch. They all clambered down from the stands and surrounded the winning team, cheering.

All the while, a large, shaggy black dog had sat on a ridge overlooking the field. He turned away with a seemingly smug look on his face, with only one thought on his mind. _WE let the dogs out._


	2. My Potter Is Worse

**My Potter Is Worse**

Draco Malfoy and Sirius Black sat side by side, staring down at a collection of photographs. Some were of Harry Potter, and some were of his father, James. Draco snatched one up and shoved it an inch away from Sirius' face.  
"Just look at the top! Don't try and tell me that his sense of fashion is not terrible. Just don't."  
Sirius plucked the picture out of the younger boy's hands and squinted at it. "Hm, yes. Quite terrible. But not quite as terrible as… This!" He slid a small picture across the table to Draco. The moving photo depicted James laughing, running a hand through his dark hair. He wore a faded shirt, the logo of a muggle band displayed across the front. "No, no, I'm quite sure my era Potter is worse," Draco said, holding up a small stack of photos of Harry wearing the same shirt. "I mean, when he does find a remotely good shirt, he ends up wearing it several days on end. And then it gets torn."

Sirius laughed, gathering up the large pile they had been musing over. "I must go. Remember to tell me if you find any more photos!" With that, he apparated away. "Harry is still worse," Draco muttered, a small smile gracing his lips.


	3. Troll In The Dungeon(Albus Sev Style)

**Troll In The Dungeon(Albus Severus Style)**

Scorpius frowned, crossing his arms. Albus was late for charms. Not that it didn't happen often, but still. He impatiently tapped his foot against the floor. He jumped as the door burst open, banging his knee against the underside of the table. He closed his eyes in pain, groaning.

"Troll! Troll in the dungeon! Just thought you ought to know…" he heard Albus claim. His eyes shot open, to find his best friend's staring back at him. He was lying on the floor with a purple turban wrapped around his head. He smirked and winked.

"Only kidding."


	4. If Only I Was A Cat

**If Only I Was A Cat**

"Okay, but why can't I just become a cat forever and ignore all of my responsibilities?" the seventh year Ravenclaw questioned, looking up from her Transfiguration exam.

"Elena, please, you're taking your NEWTS right now. Go back to your work," Professor McGonagall sighed, rubbing her temples.

"Already done," the 17 year old hummed happily. "I mean, really, you have the chance to, but you don't! Instead, you choose to stay here and watch people like me. I, personally, would fully take advantage of being an animagus. Why don't you?"

McGonagall looked down at her. "Elena, if you don't do your work, you will be forced to turn in your test now, and only receive credit for completed answers," she said sharply.  
"Like I said, I'm already done."


	5. LILY EVANS, DO YOU LOVE ME?

**LILY EVANS, DO YOU LOVE ME?**

FIRST YEAR

Eleven year old James Potter stood on top of the Gryffindor table in the middle of the Great Hall, preparing to shout at the top of his lungs.

"LILY EVANS!" he yelled, hands stationed on his hips.

"Please, no…" Remus Lupin muttered, sighing from his seat next to where the boy stood. Young Lily Evans looked up through her dark red hair that had fallen in her face. Her eyes narrowed.

"I HEREBY DECLARE THAT I WILL MAKE YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH ME BY OUR SEVENTH YEAR!" the boy shouted. Lily groaned and put her head on the table, her delicate hands covering her long fiery locks.

"Please stop, Potter… You're embarrassing me!" she whimpered, pouting. He ignored her.

"OTHERWISE, I WILL DIE OF SHAME, RIGHT HERE IN THE GREAT HALL!"

" _I've_ already done that," she whispered. Remus placed a hand on her back sympathetically.

"JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER! GET DOWN OFF THAT TABLE RIGHT NOW! DETENTION!" Professor McGonagall shouted, standing upright at the teachers' table.

SECOND YEAR

"LILY EVANS!" James Potter shouted, once again, a full year later, as he climbed onto the Gryffindor table.

"Potter! Don't you dare!" Lily glared up at him with sparkling green eyes. She had grown to dislike him over the past year. In fact, the only 'Marauder', as he and his friend group had dubbed themselves, out of the four of them was Remus, and sometimes Peter.

"IT HAS BEEN A FULL YEAR, AND I AM ASKING YOU NOW. DO YOU LOVE ME YET?" Lily groaned.

"No, you bumbling idiot. Now, get off the table before you get detention. Actually, why should I care if you get detention or not?" she stood from the red and gold table and made her way to the near matching green and silver one.

"I REPEAT, YOU WILL LOVE ME BY OUR SEVENTH YEAR!"

"Let's go to the library, Severus," Lily stood next to her friend, blatantly ignoring the twelve year old boy atop the other table.

"Yes, let's do that, he agreed, taking her extended hand.

"YOU'LL SEE, JUST WATCH, SNIVELLUS! I WILL STEAL HER FROM YOU!"

McGonagall intervened. "Please, Potter, would you kindly descend from the table? Oh, and, one more thing. DETENTION."

THIRD YEAR

James, once again, clambered from his seat onto the table, kicking his glass into Remus' lap in the process.

"PEOPLE OF HOGWARTS! I STAND BEFORE YOU TODAY-"

"Oh lord, not again," Lily mumbled from the end of the table, as far away from James as possible.

"TO ASK ONCE MORE-"

"Please, Remus, do something," Lily pleaded with the thirteen year old werewolf, already on the way to the Slytherin table. He tugged on the hem of James' robe.

"Please, Prongs-"

"HUSH, REMUS. TO ASK ONCE MORE IF YOU, LILY EVANS, LOVE ME YET?"

She froze, and turned, fists clenched, seething. "No, Potter. I don't! I despise you! You're a bully and an idiot!" She stormed out of the Great Hall, bright red, with Severus Snape following quickly behind, a broad smile spread across his face. Sirius Black, James' best mate, snickered.

"Serves you right, Prongs…"

"Shut up, Padfoot."

"DETENTION ONCE AGAIN, POTTER!"

FOURTH YEAR

James approached Lily, bowed deeply, then proceeded to climb onto the table, one foot in her potatoes. "Must you really, Potter?" she glared.

"ATTENTION, TEACHERS AND STUDENTS OF HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY."

"I'm going to go ahead and write him a weeks worth of detention, sound alright with you?" McGonagall turned to Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster, at the head table. He merely smiled in return, a twinkle in his eye.

"I STAND BEFORE YOU ALL TO ASK YOU TO WITNESS THE MAGNIFICENT TRANSFORMATION IN ME AND LILY EVANS' RELATIONSHIP."

"There isn't one," she said, preparing to stand.

"LILY EVANS, ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH ME YET?" Sirius Black began chanting the words, "Say yes, say yes," after the question.

"No, Potter, I am not, nor will I ever be." She stood and accepted Snape's offer to go and study potions together.

"She will love me. _Wormtail, don't you look at me like that."_

"Okay, whatever you say, mate," Peter Pettigrew, the fourth Marauder, said. Remus shook his head and sighed.

"Off the table, Prongs, mate."

FIFTH YEAR

"I know what you're thinking, Prongs."

"And what would that be, Moony?"

"You know _exactly_ what."

"Yep."

"Must you really?"

"Yep."

A young, newly sorted first year leaned over to Peter. "What is it, what's he gonna do?" the excitable eleven year old said.

"You'll see," the chubby fifteen year old responded.

"Prongs, you know, we only dared you to do it in our first year." Sirius said to the grinning boy.

"Yep."

"And you also know you don't have to do it again?" Peter said hopefully.

"Yep. Doesn't mean I'm not going to do it."

Remus sighed and rolled his eyes. _Clearly_ this was a losing battle. "Alright then, get it over with." James leapt onto the table, kicking food in every direction.

"LILYEVANSDOYOULOVEME?" Lily didn't even glance up from the piece of paper she was scribbling something down on.

"Nope."

James climbed down. "I have two years. Not giving up yet."

SIXTH YEAR

"Today's the day! I can feel it," James said, an invisibility cloak in his hand.

"Is it already?" Sirius said sarcastically, a grin spread across his face.

"I… I have no words, actually," Remus sighed, exasperated. James disappeared under the cloak and climbed onto the table. An invisible figure spilt pumpkin juice into a second year's lap.

"I'll wait for her to enter the room. Then… I'll _strike,_ " a disembodied voice said. The doors to the Great Hall opened, and Lily Evans walked in. Seeing that James was nowhere to be found, she claimed the empty seat across from Remus.

"Hello, Remus. Where's Potter?" she asked suspiciously, not trusting that he would breakfast- he _never_ missed breakfast, somehow.

"He said he was feeling something," said Remus. Sirius and Peter giggled before Remus sent them a warning look. Lily asked if he was sick.

"You could say that," Sirius answered for him, he and Peter giggling louder. She narrowed her eyes before reaching towards a stack of pancakes in the middle of the table. She froze as her hand hit something she couldn't see.

"What the-"

"LILY EVANS." James threw the cloak off. "I MUST KNOW HOW DEEPLY AND TRULY YOU LOVE ME! DON'T BE AFRAID TO ANNOUNCE IT! WE ALL KNOW YOU LOVE ME!"

Lily glanced up. "Your fly is down." There was silence. She stood and left, a half eaten piece of toast in her hand.

"WAIT! IS THAT A DENIAL OR CONFESSION?! EVANS WAIT! YOU SMELL NICE! DOES THAT CHANGE ANYTHING?"

"Potter…" McGonagall said warningly from the head table.

"I know, detention…"

SEVENTH YEAR

"Prongs, really, must you?" Remus said at the Gryffindor table.

"Seems a little ridiculous to me, don't you agree, Peter?" said Sirius. Peter nodded in affirmation.

"It is completely and totally necessary," James said, his face not giving away how much he wanted to laugh.

"Here she comes!" Peter squeaked. James cleared his throat and prepared to stand on the table for the final time.

"Mornin- oh, Lord no," Lily said, turning around as soon as had she approached.

"LILY EVANS! OUR FIRST YEAR I DECLARED I WOULD MAKE YOU LOVE ME BY THIS YEAR! IT'S NOW OR NEVER, LILY! YOU EITHER ANNOUNCE TO EVERYONE THAT YOU LOVE ME OR I WILL RUN AWAY WITH SIRIUS!"

"I'm down," Sirius smirked, taking a bite of an apple. Lily looked at James furiously.

"I-" she stopped, looked at the table, sighed, and climbed up to face him. "I'M ALREADY YOUR GIRLFRIEND, YOU ARROGANT TOERAG! DON'T WORRY, PROFESSOR, WE WILL BOTH REPORT TO DETENTION LATER."

They both climbed down. James looked over to Sirius.

"Padfoot, you owe me ten Galleons."


	6. Yes, Professor?

**Yes, Professor?**

Remus Lupin sat at the head table of the Great Hall, along with the other professors, for the first time. Sure, he had frequently been called up there in his days as a student, along with the other three Marauders, but that was usually to be told that they would have detention. Now, of course, it was a much different story. Now he would be the one to call students up. He smiled sadly at the thought of it.

"-emus?" his head snapped up, searching for the voice that had called him. His eyes landed on Minerva Mcgonagall, the transfiguration teacher, who had once taught him.

"Yes, Professor?" Mcgonagall gave him a jokingly stern look.

"Remus, I haven't been your teacher for over 16 years. You can stop calling me Professor," she said, a hint of a smile on her lips. Remus' eyes widened.

"I don't think you understand how much I cannot do that." said Remus, no sign of joking on his face. Mcgonagall sighed and rolled her eyes. Some things would never change.


	7. Student Dying'

p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"strong'Student Dying'/strong/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;" James twisted in his seat to face Remus and Peter during History of Magic, his eyes widened. Sirius, beside him, also turned, to hear what he had to say. /p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;" "I just realized something," said James./p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;" "And?" Remus said, unamused, as James had disrupted him from his note taking./p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;" "'Never' is a combination of 'Not' and 'Ever,'" said James, his eyes still wide./p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;" "Well, obviously. Let me guess, you didn't know that 'blush' is a contraction made from 'blood rush'?" retorted Remus, his attention drifting back to the professor at the front of the room./p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;" "Really?" said Peter quietly, in childlike wonder./p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;" Sirius watched the ordeal with an amused smirk dancing across his lips. "And, did you know," the oldest Black child said, "That 'studying' is really 'student dying'?/p 


	8. Dad's Chocolate Frog

**Dad's Chocolate Frog**

"DAD!" James Sirius Potter yelled at the top of his lungs from his bedroom.  
"Yes?" Harry Potter appeared at the door of the 11 year old boy. He blinked as a chocolate frog card was thrust in his face.  
"LOOK. Just look!" Harry grabbed his son's wrist and guided it away from his face. He adjusted his glasses and stared at it. He sighed.  
"It's me. So?"  
"I got your stupid chocolate frog again! Seriously! I already have, like, 6 of these! Here, you take it," The card was pressed into his hand.  
"If you hadn't already noticed, I've already got one of those. As in, the real one," Harry pointed at himself. James sighed and fell back on his bed.  
"Whatever."


	9. Amortentia

**Amortentia**

 **Warning: Drarry! (Sort of)**

 **So I kinda want to turn this into a fanfic of its own so let me know if I should.**

Harry rushed down the corridors of the dungeon, gripping his bag tightly. He was late for potions-yet _again_. He froze, his hand pressed against the door to the potions classroom. A strong smell drifted from the room. It smelled metallic, almost, like coins, and like pine trees, and like- _fabric softener_? Wait-oh…

Harry recognized the scent. He pushed open the door and peered into the classroom. Everyone sat in their usual seats. Oddly enough, Snape was nowhere to be found. Harry sighed in relief, before inhaling the intoxicating scent floating around the room. His eyes flitted across the room, to where the Slytherins sat, but found nothing out of place.

He strode across the room, taking his seat next to Ron. He was leaning over his cauldron, a peaceful look on his face. Harry leaned over.

"Ron, mate, mind telling me why the entire classroom smells like _Malfoy_?" he said, rather loudly. Several people looked up in shock. Hermione covered her mouth, stifling a gasp.

"Harry… we're brewing _Amortentia_. You know, the love potion? It smells like whatever attracts you most!" Hermione said, eyes wide. Harry felt blood rushing to his head, his face flushing. He stood up and backed up towards the door.

"I'll just… I'm- ya know, um- _bye_!" he said, bolting out the door. He leaned heavily against the wall, willing the red spread across his cheeks to go away. He inhaled deeply, pulling off his glasses and closing his eyes.


End file.
